My frenemies

A frenemies believes that just because I am happy, calm and positive, I have not and do not struggle with any personal demons.

Your judgment and criticism is welcomed, an opportunity for me to reflect.

I accept that you choose to shrink when sitting next to me to play the victim hoping to gain sympathy and a reaction.

But, simply I see this as manipulation to get your own way. Hence, why we are not friends.

Playing the victim is boring to me. I would respect you should you show me your strength.

You used me and I decided to distance myself.  Now you’re trying to use my goodwill and strength against me.

Every struggle and hardship has made me stronger, wiser, healthier person and the woman I am today.

I have made mistakes but learnt from them.

My laughter is my medicine.

My calm approach is a reflection that I am using patience and knowledge before reacting.

My positive manner is a skill I use to find solutions for problems.

To be strong is to struggle with your own personal demons.

Overcoming hurt, pain and hardship has freed me.

The lessons were needed, my mind is peaceful and heart open. I have no regrets in my life.

The difference between me and my friend is I have overcome my demons.

10 Sins

  1. Had anal sex with my ex-brother inlaw on the stair well of a pub.
  2. Had an affair with my sister’s long term partner.
  3. Use to taxi over to my ex boyfriend house and have sex with him while his current girlfriend was asleep in the next room.
  4. Have lusted for two men in the last 11 or so years, one being my current brother inlaw. I feel super guilty about this and know how inappropriate it is.
  5. Second being a super hot guy at the local gym who is young (24) enough to be my son.
  6. Had sex with three different men in one night at each of their homes.
  7. Slept with my husband’s best friend.
  8. I have never been faithful in any of my relationships.
  9. Am addicted to porn.
  10. Masterbate regularly.

Teen pregnancy and homeless

img_4612-2Today I celebrate my eldest sons birthday, he is 25 years old. I thought the day would feel joyous but instead I reflected and cried.

My tears are for all my struggles and adversity that I have faced. It was 25 years ago that I was made homeless, kicked out of the family home for being pregnant. I was told to leave my family home one week after turning 18. I left the house with only the clothes I was wearing. I cried all the way up the street to the bus stop where I continued to cry. I cried so much I missed the next 3 buses, I just sat there balling my eyes with no composure and unsure what to do. Having finally calmed down I bused to my friends house to ask for a bed for the night. She agreed I could stay, but her flat mates were not happy and voiced their opinions. They didn’t want a pregnant teen who had no money staying. That night was lonely and the room felt dark and empty. I was hoping the flat mates would change their minds but did not happen.

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