A cheeky flirt

My naughty side come out to play today and had a cheeky flirt. He’s very handsome, tall, kind and outgoing . His good morning greeting was warm which instantly drew my attention. I looked up and was happy to see his friendly face then spontaneously mirrored the warmth back with a smile. For a brief second I felt the world had stopped, I didn’t feel like a mother on the school run but rather, an attractive women who radiated beauty and confidence. My day had been suddenly lit up and made brighter.Continue reading “A cheeky flirt”

A modern day exorcism

This year is about evicting demons  and other spiritual entities  from my life in this modern world.

Slowly but surely banishing old bad habits, filthy arse friends, bad family and haunting dark memories is coming second nature.

While some actions require soul searching, being honest with myself and many hours with my therapist, other actions to exorcise is much easier and just a few clicks on the keyboard. Blocking people on social media sounds childish but I have personally found it very empowering. Within seconds of blocking them I no longer have to see their smug posts, photos, faces and fake lives.

I choose to no longer be an audience to their demonic lies and self deluded games. Playing with my emotions is now met with a swift fast block. It’s just one of the many steps I’m taking to ensure my wellness. I seem to be surround by people who can’t be honest, upfront and turn my good nature against me.

To my friends and family, if you choose to backstab me, talk shit about me, try and manipulate those around me for your own selfishness I will simply blocked you. I will block your calls, block you on social media and ghost you. And, I don’t feel bad one little bit. Purging has been fabulous.

Lost souls trying to sink their teeth into my essence and suck me dry, my defence is up now and you cannot break my wall.

Dark influences trying to corrupt my soul, I’m on to you. I’ve outgrown you and wised up. Your persona has cracks in it and only darkness creeps through. Destroying is the only thing you can achieve now, selling false dreams to kids to control them. We may be blood but nothing binds us. I have purged you.

You are now deleted!

Hexagram 61

Have recently began a journey into understanding I Ching. My reading today has the below advise, food for thought…….

Zhōng Fú: the ideogram and the story

What does it mean for your question?
This hexagram is complementary to hex.62.

Top 9: A drawn-out sound ascends to heaven. Determination pitfall.
Do not dissect truth too much in words or ideas. Before you realize it, you live up to great words instead of simple intuition, to beautiful ideas instead of simple experience. Give your emotions a fair chance to live life without giving it names.
(Changes to hex.60)

9 at 5: When one has truth, then one binds. Without fault.
Who is true can also recognize truth in others. He can make real and deep contact, and he can avoid all harmful and needless influences. The ability to find the right people and avoid the wrong ones is one of the greatest assets in life, surpassing the best education, the most abounding riches.
(Changes to hex.41)  Mirror

6 at 4: The moon is almost full. One of the horses pair gets lost. Without fault.
The individual and society will never agree completely. In order to stay oneself, one will have to make sacrifices. Set your preferences, you cannot have it all, so decide what is important and what is not. Wanting all that society offers means one loses a lot Self.
(Changes to hex.10)

Continue reading “Hexagram 61”

Marriage – sometimes love, sometimes hate…..

A few months ago I was suffering from long term stress and anxiety which resulted in a panic attack and deep depression (okay, I wanted to end my life) . The frustrations that seeped down to every cell in my body manifest to a state where breathing was unbearable. For months my days swirled with emotional highs and lows. I no longer recognised myself physical or emotional self and I was very worried I’d lost the plot so much so I began to worry that this is who I was now.

Feeling completely exhausted and overwhelmed I found myself a spiritual healer. I needed to step outside myself and hear some wisdom to help find a path towards calmness and sensibility. My journey to finding myself again has been profound. Layer by layer I have peeled back old memories to confront, found truths I’d hidden and started to see how I would lie to myself to get through situations. Finding truth in all and seeing situations in a new light, I have realised what burdens I have been carrying.

Sometimes my marriage sometimes seems like the biggest lie of all. Spiritually, I feel so alone and at times I feel nothing for my husband. Other times I know I love him dearly, for his kindness and stability. He has given me security and forgiveness. He is very handsome and I like living with him and our children. But, I have never felt connected to his energy or felt connected to his spirit and this makes me feel so lonely and isolated. Our communication has grown as our relationship passes the years. As I have carried our relationship all the way, taken upon myself the challenge of doing everything to get us to a better and brighter future. All my blood sweat and tears has gone into raising our family while he sits reading and day dreaming. At this age and period of our lives I feel like I’ve exhausted my strength doing my role and his role.

Marriage is a full time job, so many ups and down.

There are times where I just don’t know who’s looking back at me in the mirror.

When I feel like giving up and dig deep and find a reason to carry on.

Love isn’t perfection, I can’t love 100% all the time.

I love , sometimes I hate and sometimes completely indifferent to the relationship.