Lost in the dark shadows I cannot see.
Stumbling, trembling, the self preservation has extinguished.
My soul was murder, my dignity robbed as the morning mist rose.
Hades is whispering my name from below.
Sentenced to public examination and humiliation my soul faced a brutal death.
The intensity of living turned me into stone, I call upon the darkness to rise and breathe into this crumbling gravel.
The abyss below my surface has never ending aches and tremors. The earth has opened and swallowed me.
Who calls my name, wants to dance, take my hand to the underworld.
Who is there?
I see it’s you my dear friend and your friends opium, Valium, methadone and sister morphine.
Let’s dance the haze in the shadowy realms of darkness alone and together.
I write this for Beenie Boy, my lover, my friend, my companion. In the darkness time in my life he was there for me. He bought some lights into a very dark space and place. I was raped by an acquaintance and a breakdown followed. My boyfriend at the time gave me drugs to self medicate. Things spiralled further. Eventually my boyfriend went to prison for trying to kill me by driving dangerously and purposely crashing a car so I couldn’t leave him. I felt I lost everything. I was so alone. I was a totally wreck. I found solace with Beanie. He was kind and caring. We made love, did drugs, made love, did drugs then repeated.
Beenie died a gruesome a few years ago. It is believed he was sleeping rough inside a rubbish recycling bin in the days leading up to his death. A rubbish truck collected the rubbish and took it to the the recycling plant. Sadly, his body was found in 30 pieces compressed within a cardboard bales. He was 40.
Look after one another, be kind and caring……..
RIP my old friend xxxxx
100 days 100 confessions 