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Hello and Greetings

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Welcome my friends.  After a rather harrowing  period which saw a downward spiral of suicidal thoughts and self hate I am taking the positive steps to heal. For years I have been suppressing my shame, pain, violence, debauchery,  promiscuity, vices and my fucked up family.  The energy taken to suppress and play normal has had a huge effect on me and I want to be free from the past.  Now ready to release my sins and heal, I thought a fabulous healing process would to be to finally share my inner thoughts and experiences. Over the next one hundred days I will expell one demon at a time…… xoxo

Ill Union

An ill union this confusion

My wanderer is a flighty fusion

Afraid to test their inner depths

My lover leaves me consumed with regrets

An ill union is my conclusion

This wanderer is an unsightly illusion

Was our time together a false fantasy

To fuel ego and nourish ones vanity

There can be no more nightly intrusion

Of this ill union drenched delusion

Reality is harsh that must be embraced

Deep fears one would rather not face

The wanderer keeps wandering

While the wonderful keeps wondering

Until a humble reunion

A reflective soul ponders the lies

People think that a liar gains a victory over his victim. What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person’s view requires to be faked…The man who lies to the world, is the world’s slave from then on…There are no white lies, there is only the blackest of destruction, and a white lie is the blackest of all.
~Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

A little lie grows and grows

Pondering the lies

His egos flys

So inflated it touches the sky

Why do I listen to this guy

To defy

I should deny

Simply put, the overarching reason that we lie to ourselves is self-protection. We want to avoid potentially painful reality and the disruptiveness of truth in favor of maintaining a false equilibrium. In essence, we become accustomed to telling ourselves untruths because it’s easier.

A Psychological term known as “cognitive dissonance” is behind the reason why we lie to ourselves and tell ourselves untruths. When we experience cognitive dissonance, we feel an uncomfortable tension between who we believe we are and how we are behaving.

Being A Mother

There lays a tiredness inside of me

It aches and screams, yearns to be free

Pulsating worries vibrates up through my weakening spine

Knocking the depths of my crown and mind

Eyes so swollen and dry they no longer cry

The soul is shattered it cannot abide

Daylight passes so quickly as I sleep and weap

Bones sore, body heavy it yearns for sleep

Each new dawn is the same endless routine

Shall I be so brave and runaway to Aberdeen